Charting New Seas

This is an email I wrote to a friend today and I would like to keep a copy of it where I can easily find it.

Good Morning Jeff,

Lets get straight into it:

Going back in time and talking to your 18 year old self, what would you think would be the most important piece of guidance that would help you be closer to the goals that you are charting now? Or in contrast do you think that is bullshit, as those key experiences were simply necessary to create the inner turmoil that inspired you to push back in a different direction?

Honestly, that is something that I think about a lot. Would I be a different person, a more aligned person and a more successful person if I had found my version of the path earlier? Perhaps. I probably wouldn't have appreciated the moments of success as much and maybe the smaller things to live would have been lost on me. Or perhaps not, as I could have found a way of building the life that I really wanted a lot earlier and I could be much further along the desired path. The path of being more productive, more satisfied and more successful. I can only speculate. 

What does seem to be the most important gift to the growing mind is awareness. If the young, naive Castlereagh kid at 21 could have seen the world that we live in more clearly, the positive, the illusions, the options, the glory, education, temptations, manipulation, then perhaps it would have been easier to make real decisions instead of feeling like I was being swept down a river.  I was always wondering why the ride was so rough, as I was trying to sidestep the jagged rocks of now, instead of having the capacity to notice at the end of the river lies a huge waterfall and an unwanted ending. What a shame to be only looking at the immediate threats and gratifications that are in front of us, instead of being able to be flowing in a direction that we really want, that is taking us to a place that we actually strive to be. 

Some people have proposed that they are all the same thing the past, the present and future, but I feel the urgency of the now, and I do feel that the things that we attract and create define our later experiences, regardless of the mechanisms of time. Real or not, I think they matter to me and the choices we make, make a difference. Getting older have given me the awareness to put the pieces together now for the later. 

I muse over this as I note the disappearance of two teachers from within our English team in the last four weeks. In this time we have had two teachers that simply gave up and left the school. with the American it was coming so it wasn't a big surprise but the remaining Jamaican girl took a few days of sick and simple didn't return. The American ended up going back to states, to chase the greenback as he ran out of money, (but he still could have rode out his contract as he was living reasonably month to month) and the Jamaican girl was I think bored with the school, a little discontented with the lack of power the Colombian peso holds internationally and I think was looking for a better paid job in the Asia Pacific region. 

One thing that both of the teachers seemed to lack is immediate clear goals that are achievable in the now. One would suggest here that a more satisfying path is to create a life so that the things that you do in this moment actually contribute to your goals, and they have a purpose collectively. They band together in harmony, strengthen your purpose, fuel you with motivation and inspire you to keep moving forward. I refuse to have my energy torn apart in different directions any longer and everything I do now, I want it to contribute to building a better version of me tomorrow. 

I was honestly quite sad when we lost the American, John was his name. He was about 37 years old, had traveled over 40 states of the US waiting tables, he had hit a lot of South America and done a little of Europe and Asia to boot. The guy, although a little distracted with weed and a guitar (he used to fuck around a lot instead of getting shit done) he had a great philosophical mind, vast ideas and an appreciation for travel, language and living. He had an anthropological mind, that was able to analyze the insanely destructive nature of man articulating with peculiar clarity the darkness and the light, that comes hand in hand both in the present and the past. Our capabilities, our potential to create societies of harmony or for us to remain ignorant and be lead by tyrants, dictators and killers; as humans we are capable of such beauty and misery. 

Well this philosophical contemplation is in response to your desire to leave the current employer as you flirt with alternative options. On the scheme of things, I think in essence that if our short term goals are able to aligned with our long term goals then that is a great thing, but if we have to take a little time to do other things that are no so aligned then that is the price that we pay. I have paid I think a fair price for where I am today. But perhaps the real gift is not in the goals or even the power to choose different possibilities, but perhaps in the awareness of how these things are inexplicably intertwined and they greatly shape our current overall emotional being or state. They no doubt influence our happiness, our ability to understand and appreciate the precious, finite nature of time, and help construct or fail to construct our desires and our dreams. Being able to understand that is, I think, the real gift and the rest will fall into place, as long as one has the courage to keep trying, experiencing and reflecting. That I believe, is where the power is. 

Anyways mate, just some gentle speculation of how life, purpose and satisfaction come together. This has been a rather broad email without any clear direction or purpose but I hope that it greets you with lucid energy that supports the quest to do better, be better, live and love the way we want. 

Kind regards

Stephen Deguara