the loney shadow

The lonely shadow

My shadow weeps; it holds my lost and lonely heart 12

It binds, it tears it grips and stares 8

Never to depart. 5

What pain I feel that gropes and steals my very youth? 13

It strains me with a weary pull

It is my only truth

Darkness numbness I fight to claim the sanity of mind

It pulls me down it chokes my love

It renders my soul blind

The pain, the sorrow, the agony of life

I laugh in discontent

I fumble for a knife

My lonely shadow will not leave the essence of my pain

The world fades away gently

My blood pours down the drain

the loney shadow

The lonely shadow

My shadow weeps; it holds my lost and lonely heart 12

It binds, it tears it grips and stares 8

Never to depart. 5

What pain I feel that gropes and steals my very youth? 13

It strains me with a weary pull

It is my only truth

Darkness numbness I fight to claim the sanity of mind

It pulls me down it chokes my love

It renders my soul blind

The pain, the sorrow, the agony of life

I laugh in discontent

I fumble for a knife

My lonely shadow will not leave the essence of my pain

The world fades away gently

My blood pours down the drain

the loney shadow

The lonely shadow

My shadow weeps; it holds my lost and lonely heart 12

It binds, it tears it grips and stares 8

Never to depart. 5

What pain I feel that gropes and steals my very youth? 13

It strains me with a weary pull

It is my only truth

Darkness numbness I fight to claim the sanity of mind

It pulls me down it chokes my love

It renders my soul blind

The pain, the sorrow, the agony of life

I laugh in discontent

I fumble for a knife

My lonely shadow will not leave the essence of my pain

The world fades away gently

My blood pours down the drain

Thw Contemplative Man

A man and a woman spend a day in the sun. Eating, drinking laughing. They ponder about life family and love. He stares into the depths of her beautiful brown eyes and sees intelligence, creativity and compassion. She is a woman so full of pride and integrity. He looks closely at her and wonders. Where is the source of her courage and strength? Trials of life have torn her soul through tumultuous times, have made her sigh deep profound heaves and have brought so many tears to a face that is too beautiful to cry. Yet she is strong. She is brave and continues to fight with an innate passion that will never be destroyed. The man absorbs this quietly. He feels the warm breath of the wind, the rays of the sun entering his skin and contemplates. He feels a strong connection to this woman, he does not understand it yet he does not resist. This woman has somehow broken through barriers of forgotten love, past pains of rejection and fear, bitterness and anger. He does not feel these things. He only feels a sense of calm, quietness and connection with this woman and although she is so different she he feels she is somewhat the same. He looks at her and smiles. His heart is divided although he will gently resist thoughts of desire and he tilts his head to the left and listens more carefully to the words spoken by her. Her voice is like a melody her laugh is a sound so sweet he is enraptured by it. He is a slave to her laughter. He lives to makes this woman laugh. He wants to protect her, demand more of her and watch her succeed. She smiles her devilish smile. There is a sparkle in her eye. The meal is over. He pays. They leave quietly. The moments of connection slowly diminish, although they are not forgotten. She smiles gently at him. He is happy.

The darker parts of thailand

Stale white concrete burns, humidity, fans creaking and grinds like the earth moving.. emptiness, nothingness. Motorbikes which purr like dragons breathing. Bikes whine their way through lonely road. Bars, red lights, tar and dirt. The air stings of sweet spice and sewage. Burning chilli, cracked plastic chairs, a sticky road, the stench of fish.

Lonely bars. Empty smiles that hide darkness, sadness and pain. Faces filled with longing and greed. Cracked red lipstick, words deprived of truth, guttural utterances, shining teeth, jet black hair. Eyes cold. Flashes of spite, envy and fear. The trickster ploys. The Cobra awaits.

Folds of blue and red dresses float seductively, convincingly and with purpose. Countless tattoos freshly scaring the sweet skin of youth. Sadness looms, green felt tarnished, ripped and brown. Heels shine laced with cheap diamonds. Mouths moving like broken records. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. The words repeat, the worlds infuse. Cheap love, whores of truth, lies and pain. Guarded hearts and open legs, lies, flies, odors, chains, pain. Sweet cows breath lined with honey whiskey. Ice melts, beer glistens and warms. The night ebbs away. The sun slowly rises.

The wandering heart

Her hair laps at her neck as it gently bounces in the breeze. She smiles the shine touches her eyes and she pulls back her hair from her face. Her hips move with the grace of nature and she sways majestically, mesmerizing me with her awe and tranquility. I wonder what will become of her. I watch closely as she stops at the place the beach meets the sand and she stares into the ocean. I am sitting here alone looking into the nothingness of the horizon. Her eyes are a clear brown mixed with specks of green and they glimmer with the reflection of the sun. Her skin is tanned and her dress is long. There is just the two of us and the only sounds are of the ocean waves sweetly kissing the shore and the seagulls shriek and moan. She stops and turns around. She faces me and looks down at me and my brown towel. 'Hello' she says in a quiet tone seductively sweet which almost purrs with femininity and vivaciousness. I smile and look deep into her eyes. I say nothing as I have nothing to say. I wonder what she wants and if she wants something I am sure that she will say more. She notices that I do not reply and in response she walks over and stands over me with a hint of curiosity and speaks again 'why are you here alone?' she asks. 'We enter this world alone, is it that unfitting that I experience this world in the same fashion?' I pause and look at her quietly 'I have come here to ponder on the essence of life and meditate on that'.

'Well what is so important that you wish to meditate upon?' she inquires.

'Death and love, as what else really matters?' I reply. She looks at me again this time with caution. Who the hell is this guy she must think? Some crazy lone bastard on the shore, looking at the horizon pretending to be a Buddhist monk.

I say quietly 'Love is being fearless to swim this ocean and having faith that you will make it to the other side. If you cannot surrender yourself to the vastness of the sea, then your soul will remain safe and calm although unsatisfied and lonely. The sea can destroy us yes, but without the courage to battle with the universe will will remain lonely and experience nothing'.

'She looks at me intently her beautiful eyes pierce into my very heart. In her eyes I read love pain and hope. There is not a trace of fear. She smiles again and begins to walk away from me following the shore line of the beach. But as she goes she says 'perhaps.' and pauses 'but for now I think I will keep on walking' and she does. She walks and becomes a speck into the distance and eventually fades into nothingness.  I smile and continue to meditate.

The spiders web

The gentle breeze laps at my shoulder, cunningly reminding me of a past lover that once was. My eyes feel heavy like marbles statues, filmed with a wet dreamy substance that is formulated with a gel I do not understand. As I sit here pensively, cross legged and passive, I feel the outside world pass quietly below me. The the sweet odor of rain recently wet, looms forth and suggestively seduces my nostrils with the scent of nature, the earth and something of the untouchable, the indescribable something of the sublime. As a thin film of sweat develops over the lower quadrant of my back, I sit here and wonder what really matters. Alone here in the inky room I wonder why I have become what I have forged myself to be. I wonder what really matters in this world and if am I wasting my time? I wonder if everything I think is a lie and that some other reality hold more truth than mine? Is it better, more real and provides more happiness than the hollow reality of a world that I embrace, daily. As I feel these flippant thoughts, laced with unmanageable, fleeting movements of the heart, I feel like my own sense of self has 7yet again betrayed me. Betrayed what I am and who I am to become. I feel thought, energy and an explosion of thought propelling itself into the atmosphere like a hysterial rocket plummeting from the depths of space. I trust not the elaborate beatings of my heart or trust my irrational, impulsive feelings of my body and neither feel solace and peace within the darkness of my mind. They do not work in harmony like the chords of a sweet melody which encapsulates sweet liberty and love.Or perhaps created with the same level of intricate purpose of a carefully construed spiders web. The spiders web is woven with harmony, love and purpose, blessed with the beauty of the divine. The spiders web does not require thought, language, instruction or premeditation. It only requires a trigger of instinctive beginnings as it knows somehow that it is part of something bigger. It is equipped with a sense of preloaded genetic faith that the web has not only purpose but it will attract (with some formation of love no doubt) the next form of sustenance to be consumed by the spider and keep it filled with its own life's energy. My heart is like a broken spiders web, its purpose and foundations have been indelibly damaged. It floats where it should remain steady and its divine nature has been tarnished with calculated thought and apparent reason. When one can let go of the thoughts of the mind everything calms. The sea settles and the aching of the mind resides itself into something greater. Maybe the soul can envelop ones heart and mind, make them both one and revel in the design of the spiders web. Make the heart, mind and body reattach itself to be something of beauty, have purpose and be aligned with the bigger picture and most importantly feel us up with sustenance and love.