The spiders web

The gentle breeze laps at my shoulder, cunningly reminding me of a past lover that once was. My eyes feel heavy like marbles statues, filmed with a wet dreamy substance that is formulated with a gel I do not understand. As I sit here pensively, cross legged and passive, I feel the outside world pass quietly below me. The the sweet odor of rain recently wet, looms forth and suggestively seduces my nostrils with the scent of nature, the earth and something of the untouchable, the indescribable something of the sublime. As a thin film of sweat develops over the lower quadrant of my back, I sit here and wonder what really matters. Alone here in the inky room I wonder why I have become what I have forged myself to be. I wonder what really matters in this world and if am I wasting my time? I wonder if everything I think is a lie and that some other reality hold more truth than mine? Is it better, more real and provides more happiness than the hollow reality of a world that I embrace, daily. As I feel these flippant thoughts, laced with unmanageable, fleeting movements of the heart, I feel like my own sense of self has 7yet again betrayed me. Betrayed what I am and who I am to become. I feel thought, energy and an explosion of thought propelling itself into the atmosphere like a hysterial rocket plummeting from the depths of space. I trust not the elaborate beatings of my heart or trust my irrational, impulsive feelings of my body and neither feel solace and peace within the darkness of my mind. They do not work in harmony like the chords of a sweet melody which encapsulates sweet liberty and love.Or perhaps created with the same level of intricate purpose of a carefully construed spiders web. The spiders web is woven with harmony, love and purpose, blessed with the beauty of the divine. The spiders web does not require thought, language, instruction or premeditation. It only requires a trigger of instinctive beginnings as it knows somehow that it is part of something bigger. It is equipped with a sense of preloaded genetic faith that the web has not only purpose but it will attract (with some formation of love no doubt) the next form of sustenance to be consumed by the spider and keep it filled with its own life's energy. My heart is like a broken spiders web, its purpose and foundations have been indelibly damaged. It floats where it should remain steady and its divine nature has been tarnished with calculated thought and apparent reason. When one can let go of the thoughts of the mind everything calms. The sea settles and the aching of the mind resides itself into something greater. Maybe the soul can envelop ones heart and mind, make them both one and revel in the design of the spiders web. Make the heart, mind and body reattach itself to be something of beauty, have purpose and be aligned with the bigger picture and most importantly feel us up with sustenance and love. 

what is loneliness? Loneliness is when you want to be loved and when you look around, desperately in search of someone to hold you, love you and tell you that they care but, there is no one.

Superwogs sadness

I was recently reading superwogs blog today and I was quite impressed on two things. The first being how intellectually stimulating the guys writing was. Ladies and gentleman the guy has a clear academic mind. I was instantly impressed with his very cynical perspective and sharp observations of the world that we live in. Furthermore to this point i would like to add that I was even more impressed with his inspiration perspective on art and the world. He said something like how art was a medium to channel ideas and explained it really well. I am struggling to recall it now as my memory as per usual lacks basic recall functionality prob due to all the abuse it has gotten at a previous date. Anyways the second point that allowed me to reflect on superwogs brilliance is how deep the mothefucker is. I was seriously very impressed by that. I thought he would be smart but I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole actually went. But I guess what saddened me when I read his thoughts was a slow but sad realization that his thoughts echoed my own. I felt his, frustration, anger and pure lack of faith in humanity as a species all in that moment and as I did I had this really sad realisation that although on the outside i would like to pretend to be happy and positive about the world, deep down I was exactly the same as him and have given up.

In a word where it appears that we have lost the plot. In a world where you just shake your head and go seriously, fuck did that just happen? It is painfully good to know that someone out there share my same frustration with this world that it is getting wasted and is full of fuckups. Today I turned on the news and the Libyan people rioted and attacked some American building and killed an American because they were angry that an American based movie insulted the prophet Mohummand. Give me a break. And they interviewed some crazy son of a bitch and he was like 'see!!!! see!!! this is what happens when America makes us angry!! do not make our people angry!!' fuck me even intervening that crazy retard was biased. They could have got a normal person that said 'um maybe its wrong to kill people over a movie?' um just fucking maybe!! Man I have lost the faith. People are simply so stubborn that they are willing to die protecting beliefs that do not even matter. Who cares what god you believe in? Who cares where you are going when you die? it is only now in this moment that matters in this world, cant we just live learn to love and be happy? I say if there was a god that god has seriously failed. Failed in intervention, failed in providing people with faith, failed in inspiring people to live together in harmony and failed in instilling the most basic ideas of common decency, respect morality and reason. Quite frankly we are all fucked.

Alcohol the pernicious killer

Its day 3 of this bullshit detox that i am doing. Day one without coffee. Omg talk about pain. As a dedicated smoker I have had quite a few serious and painful attempt to give up smoking the obnoxious weed. The last one seems to be working so far.  In the process of quitting has made me quite aware of the chemical feelings within my brain that withdrawal  of nicotine has on my body. It like this annoying, agitation, a feeling of uprightness, stress and the inability to breathe and relax. Furthermore it inhibits the ability to think clouding the mind and dulling the senses. Well day one off without coffee (my mind is already fading with lack of concentration) and the lack of caffeine in my system was painfully comparable to the lack of sweet sweet nicotine that I usually consume.