The spiders web

The gentle breeze laps at my shoulder, cunningly reminding me of a past lover that once was. My eyes feel heavy like marbles statues, filmed with a wet dreamy substance that is formulated with a gel I do not understand. As I sit here pensively, cross legged and passive, I feel the outside world pass quietly below me. The the sweet odor of rain recently wet, looms forth and suggestively seduces my nostrils with the scent of nature, the earth and something of the untouchable, the indescribable something of the sublime. As a thin film of sweat develops over the lower quadrant of my back, I sit here and wonder what really matters. Alone here in the inky room I wonder why I have become what I have forged myself to be. I wonder what really matters in this world and if am I wasting my time? I wonder if everything I think is a lie and that some other reality hold more truth than mine? Is it better, more real and provides more happiness than the hollow reality of a world that I embrace, daily. As I feel these flippant thoughts, laced with unmanageable, fleeting movements of the heart, I feel like my own sense of self has 7yet again betrayed me. Betrayed what I am and who I am to become. I feel thought, energy and an explosion of thought propelling itself into the atmosphere like a hysterial rocket plummeting from the depths of space. I trust not the elaborate beatings of my heart or trust my irrational, impulsive feelings of my body and neither feel solace and peace within the darkness of my mind. They do not work in harmony like the chords of a sweet melody which encapsulates sweet liberty and love.Or perhaps created with the same level of intricate purpose of a carefully construed spiders web. The spiders web is woven with harmony, love and purpose, blessed with the beauty of the divine. The spiders web does not require thought, language, instruction or premeditation. It only requires a trigger of instinctive beginnings as it knows somehow that it is part of something bigger. It is equipped with a sense of preloaded genetic faith that the web has not only purpose but it will attract (with some formation of love no doubt) the next form of sustenance to be consumed by the spider and keep it filled with its own life's energy. My heart is like a broken spiders web, its purpose and foundations have been indelibly damaged. It floats where it should remain steady and its divine nature has been tarnished with calculated thought and apparent reason. When one can let go of the thoughts of the mind everything calms. The sea settles and the aching of the mind resides itself into something greater. Maybe the soul can envelop ones heart and mind, make them both one and revel in the design of the spiders web. Make the heart, mind and body reattach itself to be something of beauty, have purpose and be aligned with the bigger picture and most importantly feel us up with sustenance and love.