what is love?

When you are a child you are innocent. No one tells you how to love, how much you should love or who to give your love to. I remember being young and innocent. Only vaguely though as if trying to look back into this time was peering into an alternate reality where the governing laws of who I was were so uncannily different it feels like entering that reality requires crossing to the dream state and you almost have to induce a chemical to be able to relive that again. During this time the heart is pure and wants to give. Now my mind is clouded with uncertainty, artificial social constructions, riddled with doubts and fears. How deep do I have to look within myself to recapture the essence, the purity of what I once was. I believe that love is still alive in all of us. I think that all we every really want is to be truly loved. We want someone to look into the deepest part of our eyes, to the depths of our very soul and feel the embrace of total surrender and a union of human spirit. This is a beautiful thing. I can only image our untapped capabilities as humans to love unhindered, fully, passionately, freely, forcefully, fiercely, passionately and unashamedly. Again I must say again this is so beautiful. It feels that in today's reality one must jump through numerous social constructions to emotionally connect with people on a level that isn't really real. Not unlike giving yourself over through a pane of glass, not knowing how to give your gift, freely, without fear and with love. Your emotions are not received clearly as they are forced to penetrate the glass pane, become distorted and lose their purity and strength and are accepted as only a fractional shadow of the beacon of love they really are. There are two issues here that concern me. This is the first loving wholly without fear and communicating love without the pane of glass and the second is somewhat more depressing. Personally in this moment I am feeling this so I choose to move through this emotion by embracing it and venting it here on this blog. The second part of love that plagues me is this. If you know how to truly love and the barrier of glass has been removed how do you find someone to accept this gift fully whilst not being afraid and by not abusing this trust and love? To resign to oneself is to live partially stammering with fear and uncertainty. I feel in this moment I have had a taste of the beauty of love and again although again it has been ripped away from my me in a whisper in the wind. Although the woman who has reminded me of all the beautiful things that I am missing may not indeed be a life partner and only a friend of a short time i am still left with a fleeting sense of hopelessness, sadness and despair as although I would like to share my gift with a full heart and open mind I cannot again and I remain where I always have been alone and left in the dark..